Portrait of a True Visionary: Bill O’Reilly

Once every hundred years or so a true visionary comes along, from seemingly out of nowhere, and makes such an impact on the world that his influence will be felt until the end of time. A man like this drops knowledge on the human collective on such a consistent basis that all the world’s leaders don’t know whether to fear him or to ally with him. Neurologists want to attach electrodes to his skull to map his brain activity, philosophers want to sit down and chat with him, and the common people just want to shake his hand. There only ever seems to be one true visionary like this living during any period of time, and we all know the names of such great men throughout history: Jesus of Nazareth, Mahatma Gandhi, Gautama Buddha, Albert Einstein, etc. I know it goes without saying, but the one true visionary of our time is none other than the one and only, the great, the superb, THE Bill O’Reilly.

Some of the truest visionaries to have ever lived. From left to right: Jesus of Nazareth, Gautama Buddha, Mahatma Gandhi, Albert Einstein, Bill O'Reilly.

It really is difficult – maybe even impossible – to accurately depict such a genius man using words alone, but I will try my hardest to do Mr. O’Reilly justice here. Oh, where to begin?

O’Reilly has an uncanny ability to emulate the most positive aspects of the visionaries before him without coming off as a cheap imitation. Actually, he usually does better at those very things that true visionaries of the past were most known for. For example, like Jesus Christ, O’Reilly has managed to garner a large cult following. But not a single one of his followers are the kind of person you wouldn’t want as a disciple. Nope, O’Reilly’s fans and followers are true Americans. There’s not a single Judas in the whole bunch.

just a few of O'Reilly's true American fans

Like Albert Einstein, O’Reilly understands the value of critical thinking. He is like a rational machine, undeterred by any fallacious arguments or misrepresented factoids. He never speaks on an issue without first examining it to the point of complete understanding. Watch as he uses irrefutable logic to DESTROY the arguments of these Satan worshippers:

Wow, why would they even try to go up against him? Did they really think they could win? Anyways, lets move on…

Bill O’Reilly not only emulates past visionaries with perfection; he also exemplifies some qualities that are his alone. For example, when he’s right about something and he knows that he’s right, he doesn’t let what other people say affect him. If some dissenter tries to trip him up, O’Reilly does not even grace their dissent by listening. He just speaks over them with the truth until they give up. Go to youtube and search “Bill O’Reilly.” Choose any video from the search results for an example of O’Reilly speaking over his guest with the truth.

I don’t know what else to say. I spent over an hour sitting here trying to come up with a good metaphor or simile, but honestly, nothing in this world can even compare to Bill O’Reilly’s true visionary status. So I’m just going to post some more of my favorite clips from the O’Reilly Factor, and let Bill himself show you how great he is.

There is a Super Lack of Awesome Male Bloggers

I was searching online for some personal blogs to see if people actually read other peoples’ personal blogs, and one thing I noticed is that there is possibly not even a single male blogger that keeps a personal journal online. Of course, I only searched for about 6 minutes using only one website (blogcatalog.com), but absolutely all of the blogs listed on the first page there are female operated, and only one blog on the second page was by a man; however, upon closer inspection it wasn’t really as much a personal blog as it was a medium for him to push his career as a tv weatherman. Another thing I noticed was that out of all of these bitches writing about their lives about 79% of them are stay-at-home-moms and the rest were either emo/scene girls (if teenage) or hipster chicks (if twenty something); and this may be a rather bold claim, but I don’t think it’s unfair to assume that a disproportionate amount of them are fat (gross!). None of this surprises me though.

I think the female domination of the personal blog world can be attributed to several key factors. First of all, little girls grow up with the constant reinforcement that people care about them and what they think. Any girl with at least a D grade level of attractiveness will learn time and time again that people care about what she thinks, because guys (who don’t give a fuck about girls’ opinions) want to put there dick in them so they act like they care. Even totally ugly chicks think that people care about them, because they just want soooo much to be normal like the pretty girls that they emulate their every trait. Girls also learn from their already cog-in-the-system parents who exemplify any and all behaviors that can teach a girl that her opinions matter. So why are such a large majority of female bloggers stay-at-home-mom bloggers? That’s simple; they don’t have anything else to do all day.

But don’t think that I have anything against female bloggers. I mean, I don’t care about them enough to read anything they post unless they have pictures up and I think they’re hot, but…well, what I’m trying to say is – it’s perfectly ok that girls want to share with the world their neat little opinions and cute little feelings. I actually very much enjoy reading about other peoples’ lives. I think it’s great fun. But, in all honesty, unless a girl is at least somewhat attractive, I won’t care about her life, at all, not even in the slightest. This is probably just because I can’t relate much to any female’s point of view, and if they’re attractive the only reason I care enough to read past 1 word is to find out their e-mail address so I can send them a picture of my dick.

She looks disappointed. I guess she got the picture of my dick I sent to her.

A personal journal from a man’s perspective, however, could be something I could find quite interesting. It could contain much wisdom and/or humor (2 things greatly lacking in female personal blogs). On top of that, a man’s journal could be very relative to my own life. So that’s why I’m going to be keeping a personal journal here on the Super Galactic Awesome Blog! –er… well actually not. Why not?

Because I realize something that very few women realize – Nobody, save from 1% of the people that actually know me in real life, would ever EVER care enough to actually read about my life. Why? Because my life is boring, bland, mundane, and redundant just like every other life.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s interesting as hell to me; I just know that other people don’t care about it. Well, there are some topics on which I think my opinions can be, and should be, shared. For those few topics, I will post specific, to the point, useful, and properly categorized entries of text that people may stumble upon by searching for information on that particular subject. If ever I do post something that I don’t think anybody would want to read, it will go straight to sidelines – a section known, for now, as “Other.”